A Moment of Weakness

Fantastic. That was completely over the top wasn't it. Well, a few days have passed and I feel a whole lot better about the events/emotional trauma/slight breakdown detailed in my previous entry. Really, it’s not so bad now that I've put everything into perspective. I'm glad I wrote it all down. Yes, its' embarrassing, and yes I could just delete it, but what would be the point of that.

I can't remember whether I mentioned this last time out, but I got a pay rise. A very, very pathetic one. I think the work nominal might be considered to be hyperbole when applied to my unbelievably small wage rise. I was told that, after a trial period, I'd be given a pay rise. Well they didn’t lie, but for fucks sake. I've only stayed there for so long to see how much I was going to get. I expected it to at least be enough to say that I can make a living from the job, but this is quite frankly not on. So, come New Year it'll be time for yet another new job. I get bored of work very easily so finding something else to do every few months has been something of a necessity, but even I'm starting to tire of the process.

Actually in some ways, by offering me such a paltry sum they've made it easy for me. If I'd actually been given the kind of money I should be getting for the job then it would probably be hard for me to leave. It just reminds me that whilst I was staring to get comfortable there it was never what I wanted to be doing.

My problem is that I crave the stability and respectability of a regular, well paid 9-whatever job whilst lusting after the something a little less regular but a hell off a lot more fulfilling.

It’s a lot of fun being me. Fun, but confusing.