Happy New Year

Well, for the first time in ages, New Years Eve wasn’t a massive let down. That said, I spent much of New Years Day in a virtual coma. My head was pounding and there was a sickly taste of stale alcohol in my mouth that wouldn’t go away, even after some vigorous tooth brushing. By the time I got back from Wimbledon it was about 4.30am. I’m pretty sure that I more of less just went straight to bed, though I think I may have made myself a Cheese toastie first. It’s all very hazy. I didn’t really drink an awful lot, but I completely failed to eat dinner before I left. A packet of crisps and a Wispa bar (alongside the sausage rolls provided by my gracious hosts) was clearly not enough to cushion my stomach for the alcoholic blow that was to follow.

After a few drinks (I do wish I’d brought a bottle myself. I felt a little bad about just drinking everybody else’s beer) we headed off to a pub, where we remained until some time after 12pm. After that, we headed back to the house, drank a little more, and played some Wii. I was absolutely hopeless at Mario Kart. Right now I’m going to blame it on the drunkenness. I wouldn’t have been so bad otherwise, surely?

I was woken up at around 3pm. Frankly, with all the sleep I’ve not been getting of late, the extra rest was pretty essential. That said, I still felt pretty tired for much of the day, and a splitting headache forced me back to my bed just a few hours later. When I did eventually get up again, it was only because I had to answer a phone call a little before 9pm. Language had actually deserted me by this point, so I was unable to engage in the usual witty repartee. All I wanted to do was lie down and go back to sleep.

So, finally 2008 is over. I feel extremely relieved. Of course, the change is really only notional. There’s no real difference between 31st December 08 and 1st January 09, in much the same way as there’s no difference between 30th December and 31st December. However, I did feel that 2008 was somewhat tainted and moving on to 2009 will allow me put everything behind me and start anew.

So, my objectives for the year are...

1, Get a great job. When people ask what I do, I want to be able to proudly tell them without any need for a disclaimer.

2, Move out. Being at home is one of the reasons why I’m so depressed. I’m an independent person and I just feel too restricted at home. The problem is, it’s a bit of a catch 22 situation. I feel like I won’t really be able to completely sort myself out until I’ve moved out. Unfortunately, I doubt I’ll be able to move out until I’ve sorted myself out. I’ll probably just have to, at first, get any old job, move out, and then work on getting to where I want to be. Anyway, once I’m out of home I think I’ll be able to start living the sort of life I really want to live. I started feeling so much better after having two weeks alone in my house, and I’ve just hated going backwards since then.

3, Get a girlfriend. I said in a previous post that I really didn’t want a girlfriend at the moment. Well, I know that at some point, when a few more years have passed, I’m going to lament my loneliness. I know that wanting to be alone is a symptom of my depression. When I can finally get past that I know I’ll think differently about the whole thing.

Again, moving out will probably help with all this. I suspect my self confidence will gain something of a boost once I’m not being constantly deflated by my Mum’s scathing comments and that will, no doubt, make me more capable of attracting somebody decent.

4, Write something worthwhile. Whether it’s a film, a novel, or maybe just an article, I need to write something proper that I can be proud of. I should really get something started pretty soon. I doubt that I’ll be able to get a job until at least a couple of weeks into the year, so I’ll need to use the time I have left in a constructive way. Last month I wrote more posts than at any other time since I started my blog. Writing the blog was intended as a way of getting me into the habit of writing regularly so that I could finally produce something good. I think it’s really about time I took the next step.

5, Sell all my unwanted things on eBay. I really need to get rid of a bunch of things that I just don’t need. For a start, it’ll make things a lot easier when I finally move out. It’ll also provide me with some more money, which I can then use to buy more crap that I don’t need. I’ve actually hesitated selling my stuff on eBay because I fear that the whole thing will be a complete waste of time and I’ll end up getting such a small amount of money that it won’t be worth the hassle. I need to at least try to shift it, no matter how distasteful I find the selling process.

I’m sure I’ll think of some more things as the year progresses, but for now, that’s pretty much all I want out of the next twelve months.
Was there anything good about 2008?

Oddly enough, in 2008 I managed to buy pretty much everything I wanted. From a new surround system to a netbook, I bought everything that my heat desired. The only major things I’d like to buy now are a Wii and a Freeview hard disc recorder, and I have little use for either until I leave home. The Wii because it's more fun with other people, and the Freeview recorder because I currently live in a digital TV blackspot and I can only pick up a bunch of BBC channels.Of course that just goes to show that the accumulation of possessions just doesn’t make me happy. Perhaps I should be grateful that it doesn’t. At least it shows that I’m not that shallow.

Last year I went away more frequently than in any other year. Dublin and the Norfolk broads were great, but Warsaw was awful and my time there set up my major depressive run. That said, I did learn from the experience, and I guess I found out a lot about myself. That it finally led to me seeking help for my depression can only be a good thing. That said, I’d rather not have been forced to endure the torment.

I’ve also had some good times with friends, but everything was marred by the cloud of depression that’s been hanging over me for the last twelve months. Things, I’m sure, will be better next year. I’ll make sure that they are.

Finally, I just wanted to thank everybody with whom I saw in the New Year. I had a great evening and I really appreciate being included. It’s nice to get 2009 off to such a good start. With any luck (not to mention a concerted effort from me) the rest of the year will be just as good.

I'd also like to wish a Happy New Year to everybody who reads my blog. Thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully I'll be able to keep you entertained througout 2009.