Getting Better

Well, I’ve been out of it for most of the day, but I did, relatively randomly, start to feel better as night fell. I say randomly, but I suspect that there’s a reason behind it. I’ll do a little research and let you all know what I’ve found out.

I just wanted to thanks everybody for their support. I’m kind of puzzled by “Anonymous”, because, to be perfectly frank, I know exactly how to think and feel. In many ways that’s the problem; I know what I think (though, at times I may express myself a little guardedly or perhaps mildly inarticulately) and what I feel seems to depend greatly on my brain chemistry at any given moment. Actually that’s started to make me question the difference between thoughts and feeling. Are thoughts a conscious, cognitive process whilst feelings are purely involuntary and unguarded? I really should have studied psychology; at least I’d have a faint idea about what I meant. I’ll look it up later. Anyway, that’s kind of going off on a tangent.

I have a very clear idea of who I am and what I want; I’m just a little unsure of how to make all of that work in the real world. Not only that, the depression plays a part in making me not want to even try. It makes me want to fail so as I can quench it's thirst for misery.

So that’s the difficulty I face. I have to deal with the little bio-chemical bastard that whispers bile in my ear.

All I can say is that, right now, I feel better. Not 100%, but better.