I'm not checking out.

I may have overstated the suicide bit; I don't think I'd ever do that, but I do feel extremely low and my Mum really is exacerbating things.

I don't want to upset her but I can't make things magically happen. If I try to pursue everything she says I'll just end up becoming more and more unhappy.

She walked in to my room and told me that the first thing I had to do was find a job. Moments later, she came back and told me that the first thing I had to do was eBay all the old magazines I found in the loft. She then told me that I couldn't write all day (which is what I want to do), I could do it at night. Of course, when I said I was going to write, all I meant was top write job applications, eBay sales and a few articles to send to magazine in teh hope of getting some work.

I can't stand being told what I can and cannot do.

She things that I spend 12 hours a day in bed. The truth is, I naturally can't sleep until late. And could you blame me. I go to bed late so that I can have a little peace and quiet, some time to myself without the moaning and the shouting.

The irony is, I was going to spend my day doing all of those things, but I can't stand being ordered to do it all. Her constant sniping and moaning just makes em feel awful; so bad that I just can't deal with anything.

I need to get out of here. I just can't stand it anymore. I just want to be around somebody who's supportive, but I'd settle for being left alone. She's gone out shopping so I've a few moments to myself. I actually called her and asked if she wouldn't mind picking me up a couple of cans of Spaghetti hoops. I got moaned at. "Oh, so you want me to get your shopping for you whilst you stay in bed all day." I just can't stand this.

So, nothing gets done, and it's all her fault. I feel like I need to go away somewhere for a few weeks where I can have some peace and quiet and just be allowed to do things my way. Without that I'm just going to go nowhere.